How to recognize true Christian repentance?

I can recall people doing or saying mean things to me (spitefully) that I was expected to write-off right away because I professed Christianity.

For a long time, I thought that I was living in sin if I did not accept an apology as soon as the offender asked for forgiveness.

There are also times when I would feel guilty and beat myself up for my lack of forgiveness. At those time, the words, (I forgive you) did not make it to my heart. Yes, my friend, my inner man would be upset and unforgiving even though my outer man uttered words of forgiveness.

I have come to understand as I grow and mature in Christ; you do not have to accept an apology from a Christian sister, husband, or friend if you believe it is not genuine. Say what?

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Yes, girl, you don’t. And here’s why.

Have you ever had a Christian sister, husband, or friend do you harm, be spiteful, or mean and then ask your forgiveness only for them to turn around and do the very same thing a few minutes later or the next day?

What does that tell you?

When they asked for your forgiveness, they didn’t mean it. They are still unrepentant.

Or they assume that because you are a professing Christian, you must say, “I forgive you,” every time they say, “I’m sorry.”

When I was growing up, I would get into arguments or ‘little fights’ with friends or siblings. The teacher or my parents would tell us to “kiss and makeup.”

Sometimes, the one that started the whole thing would wink her eye to let me know that she was following orders just for show.

Have you ever done that? Has it ever happened to you?

I can’t say how many times that has happened to me, but it always irritates me when someone says “I’m sorry” but has no intention of genuinely meaning it.

And it still happens today.

Your friend can call you a derogatory name, your husband can say something hurtful to you, or maybe your co-worker shared confidential information with someone you didn’t want her to.

When you confront them and let them know how you were affected by their sin against you, you can assess whether their apology is genuine or not. Sometimes the apology can even be incomplete or confusing. At those times, it is best not to accept the apology until it is clarified and you see the fruit of their repentance.

When someone sins against you, and they are truly repentant and sorry about their sin, their actions will speak louder than their words. You will see it and hear it. There would be no need to guess whether they were genuine or not because they will show it.

Isn’t it much easier to forgive someone when you know they genuinely asked for forgiveness or said they were sorry?

The Christian should pronounce the loudest judgment on his sin. - Darby StricklandClick To Tweet

Let’s look at some Biblical examples where true Christian repentance is evident:

Saul

Saul was the one that held the garments of the men that stoned Deacon Stephen to death. He took the task of killing Christians to heart and was merciless with his judgments.

When God got a hold of his heart on the Damascus road, he was never the same again. His name was then changed from Saul to Paul, and he vowed to win others to Christ. He made a 180 degree turn around, and yet the disciples were still afraid of him.

Why?

When trust is breached, it needs time to be rebuilt. -Darby StricklandClick To Tweet

The disciples didn’t believe that Paul was telling the truth. This was a man that brutally murdered thousands of Christians and had the church scattered to the point that many were discouraged and depressed. Why should they believe him? What if he was trying to trick them so that he could plan some way to have them trapped and murdered? It wouldn’t be so hard to believe?

When someone has wronged you, it takes time to trust them again. It was through the testimony of Barnabas that Paul was received into fellowship. They trusted Barnabas and saw how Paul’s life was changed, and they began to trust him.

Zacchaeus

When he heard that Jesus would be passing through his village, he knew he had to see him. He climbed up into a tree because he was short and would probably get lost in the crowd. And to his surprise, Jesus recognized him.

The people were certainly confused when Jesus chose to dine with the man that cheated them out of their hard-earned money, but God knew his heart. If Zacchaeus had just gone to the people he had wronged and told them he had changed or asked their forgiveness, they wouldn’t believe him.

But his actions displayed the change that took place in his heart. He gave back what was owed to everyone and included extra.

He made it right with those he had wronged. No one would do that unless they were truly sorry for what they had done. Zacchaeus chose to pronounce the loudest judgment on his sin by repaying all those he had wronged.

Why should you weigh true Christian repentance?

You should evaluate true Christian repentance out of concern for their Christian walk with God.

Realize that this post is for your response to the believer that has sinned against you. There is a correct procedure for believers to resolve conflict within the church and Christian circles, but I won’t cover that here.

As a daughter of Christ and co-heir with your fellow brethren, your love should propel you to be concerned about the heart of the offender.

We are to be a source of encouragement to each other. If my daughter is exhibiting sinful behavior like showing disrespect to an adult in authority, it is my job to correct her and lead her in the right way.

If I allow her to continue in her folly and not train her, then I’m responsible when she grows up to be disrespectful. This is the same if my husband or friend does something wrong, and I refuse to correct them.

We are called to be our sister’s keeper.

Galatians 6:1-2- “Sisters, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore her in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

Even though someone has hurt you, you can show love and concern for their heart condition.

Assessing and recognizing true Christian repentance?

So, the question is, should you accept the apology if it is not complete or genuine? That burden should not be on you. It should be on the individual that did you wrong. You should not feel pressured to accept an apology when the individual has shown no sign of sincerity and repentance.

One last thought I want to leave with you is this; you do not have to accept what God does not. When we sin against God and half-heartedly repent, do you think that God accepts it?

Then why do you think you have to accept what God doesn’t.

You can accept an apology much easier when you can see that true Christian repentance occurred.

Has this article raised questions in your mind? Did it answer any questions that you had? If you were blessed, leave a comment.

Leave your question in the comment section if you have one. Let’s start a conversation.

I love you with the love of Christ. 🙂

P.S. There is a 10-page resource that goes deeper on this topic. It is a part of my resource list. If you would like to find out more, sign up for my email list.

Here are 8 signs of true Biblical repentance. Read all about it.

I love you with the love of Christ 🙂